Fourteen years ago, my mother introduced me to a curly haired fellow kindergartener, and the rest, as they say, is history. Aside from family, A is the most long term relationship I have ever been in. When we were younger, we sold lemonade on the corner and as we got older, we went on double dates. We’ve certainly had ups and downs, but we are family now, and I can’t imagine the kind of love/hate competitive fremenyship seen on all my summer guilty pleasure TV.
The world paints the female friendship as one of jealousy, secrets, and the occasional slumber party bonding night. Girls in the media are constantly worried about their best friends stealing their boyfriend, or talking behind each other’s back when one gets a little moody. The picture that’s painted here is ugly and a madly skewed. Instead of the constant mean girls fighting and dramatic fights over a badly phrased couple of words, women should be writing women who love their friends unconditionally, no matter what boys flick through life.
On TV, gossip and shopping replace most meaningful conversation and just hanging out. I admit, I shop and gossip with my friends. I do it more than I probably should. But last night, I was sitting with A, making wall art for our dorm rooms and realized that friendship is about arts and crafts time at 19 years old and flipping through old magazines and not talking about anything in particular. After 14 years of friendship, we still miss each other after a week and talk on the phone when we’re apart.
To me, that’s what friendship should be. TV should show girls calling their best friend and laughing about nothing. So often, romantic relationships take center stage in the media. People fall in love, get married, and have babies. Love is what motivates us to grow up and be better people, according to television. I can’t dispute the power of a cute text from a boy I like to make my day a little brighter. I presume the majority of the world feels the same (replacing the text sender with the gender/sexual orientation appropriate word).
Other people must know the truth that the media isn’t telling us about girl friendships. Today, it’s all mean girls and cyber bullying on the news. Every girl seems to be a victim of being friends with girls who are petty and driven by competition for popularity. I know what friendship really should be, though. Friendship is Rory and Lorelai and Rory and Lane, who may fight and fade in and out of friendship, but they realize friendship is more than that.
(Note that finding this link sent me on a Gilmore Girls youtube clip marathon.)
Gilmore Girls is the prime example of friendship over men. Rory, after all, doesn’t even end up with anyone, which she can only really do because her friendships with her mother, Paris, and Lane have given her the support she needs to realize she is better than settling her career aspirations to get married. Best friends are long term. There is a reason people say they want to marry the person who becomes their best friends.
Strong female leads (and women in general) create strong friendships that work beyond reason. There are no better examples (to me) than Brennan and Angela from “Bones”. One is an artist and moved by emotion, while one is a scientist and moved by rationality. Despite this, they work. They are close without being the same person and loving the same men. Like every combination, they play off of each other and make their counterpart stronger.
I would like to make a call to all of the women out there who are out there just as annoyed as I am about how we are portrayed in television. I am asking to stop giving people stuff to write episodes about. I want women to demand shows where women hang out with people the like. In real life, mean girls exist, and girls have to deal with them. Unlike TV, we don’t give them the power whenever they want. Finally, I want to cheer for friendships and enjoy seeing scenes between girls as much as I want to rewatch scenes of relationships.
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